life's full and busy and moves so very fast some times it's lovely to get some down time, to opt out and sit around with my feet up. know bang on about being young, footloose and fancy free and i suppose i'm coming round to the thought that hey, i could just as easily be not-so-young, footloose and fancy free. which is comforting seeing how i've so many issues with age-ing and the annual wobble comes on the clock around my birthday. seeing how my birthday is long past, this year i was grateful to be known and to have friends fully cognisant of my birthday aversion and yet descend on my doorstep with a pile of (ok, 10) apple pies and a rather lethal trick candle.
it's going to be a quiet easter break and relishing the stretch of white time that lies ahead. am eschewing planning anything and resisting the urge to pack it full, but open to spontaneous thingums that jump out. didn't leave the flat yesterday and finally got round to sorting it out. when one's life fits into a one-bedder, less is more. had a delightful house guest for the last week (little inflatable air mattress has been worth every penny!) and who left the place spotless but it's just laundry and life that needs to get done. weather's turning warm so have put the winter wear into storage and here's hoping london's cruel climate doesn't play a trick and send me scrambling for the woolies next week! needed 'office lady' clinical clothes for the next placement, then hopefully it's summer wardrobe all the way for next few weeks in the lab (look ma, test tubes!!!) and then it's back to singers to finally get my doctorlawyer on. psyched to be with an NGO i believe in and have supported for the last few years where i can get hands dirty in both the medical and legal clinics they run. that's the plan, anyway. goodness knows i much rather be on some boozy elective on paradise isle where the biggest problem is jellyfish stings... but again it's about choices, about being responsible and a good steward of heavenly gifts, according to my mother anyway. meh. don't feel particularly gifted.
bracing myself for final year but realise the danger of being caught up in the future. constantly reminded to be present, to savour the moment. there's been a bit of rolling with the punches the last few weeks, and needing to land on one's feet but nothing insurmountable. grateful for my coterie of girlfriends on the other end of the phone who are merely one desperate text message away. and for friends who make an effort to reach out and are much kinder to me than i'll ever be. in truth, it's all first world problems and tiny issues i manage to dramatise and make mountains out of. again, grateful for friends who stifle their guffaws and reassure me that my phone going for a swim isn't the worst thing in the world, despite not being revived by unholy amounts of holy water nor praying for an easter miracle.
as someone who needs to have her life mapped out, this lack of visibility is semi-destablising. actually, tell a lie. i do know where i'll be all the way till june 2016. but then it's up in the air. the mister reminds me >12months visibility is already pretty good but i like to know where i'm going. although the best laid plans, mice and men etc... there's lots going on that i'm happy about and having just extricated myself from the self-imposed shackles of domestic drudgery, coming out on the other side appreciative of a spouse and house to care for is something i didn't think i was capable of years ago. but people change. it's no secret that i want to have it all. maybe we'll get there.
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